A boring day

I dont know what to write 

my mother keep talking to me...annoying!

my mind go blank coz of that

The weather also very hot 

I hope for the rain today

so they can give me some cold 

yea..

ooowwwhh...forget one thing ...

my jeans bit loose <3

XOXO

Binge Day :( I wish I did not eat today

Yea..I cant control anymore..everyone keep asking me to eat.

EVERYONE

few minutes later

they all staring at me like I there are a zombie in beside them

yea..you asking me then I do it

and

I cant stop..

I rush to the bathroom about every plate I ate

You know what...it have been about 8 days  I dont puke my self

Hell yea..it easy now..

I feel dizzy..I cant sleep tonight coz when I lie down on my bed I can feel theres some thing in my stomach...

some thing that should not be there,

I worry about tomorrow,what will happen ?

Did I gain ?

1kg? 2kg? or 3kg?

owh..I wanna cry right now..

tomorrow please dont ask me to eat anymore 

I HATE IT !

I want this really bad right now!!!

that THING

WHY on earth must that thing be broken now!
Dont lie to me PLEASE!
You dont know how hard it was to be on this weight AND YOU FUCKING LIE TO ME!

I dont know why,
this morning I weight my self  I did not loss any thing just he same like yesterday,
but in the evening I step on it again an I Gain about 1kg
WHAT THE HELL
I dont ate anything
How can that possible?
Then I ask all of my family to step on it also the result~

My mum also GAIN
My Dad also
even my little sister that always stay skinny GAIN some weight
OMG
Im in the middle of WAR between FATS and BONES
oh God please help me!

I wanted to say thank you to all of my readers even they are just few of people ...:)
I LOVE all of them!

Im fasting today

Im so thirst...I miss my COFFEE :/

COLD water~~~

ICE CREAM~~~

My Dinner for today :

My mum cook some thing special today ;(

Yea ..I cant even look at it , 

Mum cooks always good even it was yesterdays one..

but today INTAKE:

a glass of Sugar Cane Juice

coffee with milk

yea that all

today all in control

(*.*)

Im not hungry today after dinner

I manage to stay away from the dining table,I quickly sit in front of the TV...But I still can smell it from there,even now that food still calling me....But Im not that hungry enough to eat..im in number 2 hunger.

I can do it..

I have an event to attend

and I really want to look the best on that day!!

I cant mess it up like I did before

I dont even looks good in picture

but they dont understand it

they keep taking it   :[

but I

 BELLA MAKE A PROMISE TO MY SELF THIS YEAR EVENT WILL NOT BE THE SAME  

AGAIN

On my Liquid Diet

Yup...So SORRY for the delay I got some depression often after step on the scale.
So...like you read it..I just started my liquid diet , it had been 4 days including today..and I realy like it,you got to try this...before this I just got my self 1 week binge...then on the next Monday I realse  some thing got to change HERE ...so I get my self a cup of coffee....then It just started :)  Just COFFEE and SOUP.

Liquid diet result:

before (result for 1 week binge ) : 60kg
after 4 day : 57kg

Hahahhahahahahhh i love it soo much!! I hope to stay strong with this!

Warning...take it safe dont push your self to hard :) 

Full of disappointment.

Hello Monday!
       Today felt very calm, I do not feel hungry even though the sound of my stomach surprise me out of bed in the morning. I start the morning with a cup of tea and a glass of plain water.
      I want to share my latest discovery in Youtube, about One doctor that manage to change ED people in just 4 days! .. I have spent my whole morning and noon on Youtube. I watch it until the last episode, I feel very disgusted with my self . I know I'm self harm myself, but I want to fell perfect.As I said in my last post Im so desperate to the empty again and again.That make me  feel very good.
     Accordingly, my diet plan today is a slice of bread or a slice of watermelon .Maybe,Its not my time yet to change my diet to the good one I guess.Yea .........im sure that Im still fat for that.

Still at 58 kg

    Soo..it has been a while and im still on the same step.But i did feel my jeans a bit lose..how that can be..i think that was just my imagination.i really wish to be just like them ...and my life will be perfect.So..for today i hate my self coz..that damn instant noodles keep asking me to cook them...and guess what i did. Soo..there go my good eating diet..i just lost by instant noodles..
   But then I manage to control my self then i only ate half of it...after that i get 3 cups of diet tea.Yea that could work i guess..somehow i really hopeing to lose more more more more more and more.